Author: openjargon

• I compared Sol de Janeiro's $48 Brazilian Bum Bum Cream with Nutrius' $22 dupe sold at Costco.
• Both options improved my skin's texture in record time.
• The Nutrius brand from Costco was budget-friendly and more comfortable for all-day wear.

Sol de Janeiro has built its identity around its famous Brazilian Bum Bum Cream, which claims to firm and tighten skin over time.

Although the brand was founded in 2015, it blew up online in 2023. Cofounder Heela Yang told Glossy in December that 90% of the brand's triple-digit growth came from organic social promotion.

Like many others, my interest was piqued. But one 8-ounce tub of the lotion costs $48, so I wasn't sure if it was a sustainable holy-grail product for my budget.

Luckily, Costco stocks a two-pack of 6-ounce Brazilian body butter creams from the brand Nutrius for $22. It's been dubbed a Bum Bum Cream dupe by some based on similar packaging and shared ingredients — namely cupuaçu butter, coconut oil, acai oil, and guarana extract.

I purchased both to test out just how similar the cheap and expensive products are.

Sol de Janeiro's product exudes luxury.

If I'm going to spend $48 on a lotion, I'm expecting it to deliver. Luckily, I was pleased by the Bum Bum Cream's luxe packaging.

When I opened the tub, the cream smelled nutty and almost vanilla-y — likely from the Brazil nut and coconut oil in its formula.

A little bit of the thick cream goes a long way.

Sol de Janeiro advertises its Brazilian Bum Bum Cream as "fast-absorbing." But after applying a thin layer, it took over 20 minutes for it to fully dry on my skin.

A little definitely goes a long way.

Texture aside, after a couple of days of consistent use across my arms, legs, and torso, I noticed a difference in the smoothness and plumpness of my skin. I was especially pleased with how it helped correct the texture on my upper arms and shoulders.

Bum Bum Cream contains sodium hyaluronate.

To hold in moisture, Bum Bum Cream is made with sodium hyaluronate.

According to Tina Seitz, a licensed medical esthetician and holistic skin specialist, "This is the sodium salt form of hyaluronic acid, a naturally occurring substance in the body. It acts as a sponge helping the skin to hold onto water, being plump and aiding in the elasticity of the skin."

This fact may be directly responsible for the lingering dampness after application. But in theory, the water retention should help even out cellulite and other skin bumps.

I got nearly double the product (and twice as many scents) at Costco.

Nutrius's tubs are only 6 ounces, but that still means I got 12 ounces of lotion for $21.98, including taxes.

The brand offers several different scent options for its body creams. My particular Costco two-pack included the original cream and the Berry Bliss Brazilian body butter.

Just getting two scent options for less than half the price of the luxury product was already a major pro.

The smell of the original (yellow lid) lotion was very light — it almost reminded me of sunscreen. It was definitely less rich and luxe than the Sol de Janeiro jar.

I loved how light the product was.

For the fairest results, I waited 72 hours after my Bum Bum Cream trial before using this lotion on my arms, legs, and torso for a couple of days.

Perhaps because of its less expensive formula, the Nutrius cream didn't feel as thick as its luxury counterpart. But because of this, it was way easier to rub in.

If you hate the texture of putting lotion on (like me), this is probably the jar for you. It also dried on my skin much faster than the Bum Bum Cream.

After a couple of days, I noticed improvements that were very similar to the hydrating and bump-reducing effects of the Bum Bum Cream.

Nutrius has a slightly different ingredient list.

Nutrius' original cream highlights the same main ingredients as Sol de Janeiro: cupuaçu butter, guarana extract, and acai fruit oil. But the Berry Bliss jar swaps the cupuaçu and acai with cocoa butter and vitamin C for a slightly different hydrating cocktail.

"Cocoa butter contains procyanidins, which increase blood flow, improving circulation," Seitz said. "This can ease fluid retention and break up fatty deposits under the skin."

This by no means guarantees cellulite reduction — no product can — but some ingredients have the potential to decrease the appearance of it.

I prefer the dupe to Sol de Janeiro’s original.

As someone who doesn't like to sit in what feels like layers of product all day, I was a big fan of the fast-absorbing Nutrius cream.

I know some people may prefer a rich, thick cream for hydration. But since I saw similar results from both lotions, I'd rather be comfortable (and save some money).

The real Bum Bum Cream is priced at $6 an ounce, but the dupe costs less than $2 an ounce, so it's kind of a no-brainer for me. And if you don't have a Costco membership, Nutrius sells a two-pack on its site for $28, which is still only $2.33 an ounce.

Once my official experiment was over, it was also great to have two different Nutrius formulas and scents to play with. Berry Bliss ended up being my favorite of all three options.

• Social media is having a meltdown over Biden's debate performance.
• Many felt disillusioned by the prospect of either candidate — and their ages.
• Biden was struggling with Gen Z voters, many of whom get news from TikTok, even before the debate.

There was one potential bright side to Biden's horrendous performance at CNN's debate: relatively few people watched it.

But for a critical demographic, they didn't need to watch live.

Polls have shown Biden has glaring issues with critical Gen Z and millennial voters, with their support for him slipping even before the debate.

And those younger voters are turning less and less to television; roughly one-third of Americans aged 18 to 29 consistently get their news from TikTok.

But if Biden had hoped hoping TikTok would react better than panicking Democrats to the debate, he's going to be disappointed.

A study by social intelligence firm CredoIQ analyzed the top 450 TikToks about the debate, which together amassed roughly 483 million views.

The report found that 39% of those videos expressed negative sentiments about Biden alone.

By comparison, only 9.5% of those videos were negative solely about Trump, according to the study. Negative reaction to Biden also outpaced TikTok users who trashed both candidates. Those videos made up about 35% of views.

Overall, TikTok users seem to find the whole event pretty dismal. According to CredoIQ, only 5% of the top posts touted any positive sentiments at all.

Biden's 'memeable' face

While political pundits have largely focused on Biden's bumbling answers, some on TikTok have focused instead on his "memeable face."

One video has nearly 9 million views compiling short clips of Biden looking confused, his mouth open and eyebrows furrowed. In the background, the creator can't help himself from laughing — hard.

Others compared contemporary Biden to his former self. A side-by-side video contrasting Biden's 2012 performance in the vice presidential debate and his performance on Thursday attracted more than 8 million views, with many commenters saying he seemed like a different man.

"I need an Adderall prescription, and it's not for me, it's for fucking Joe Biden," James Charles, a popular influencer, said at the beginning of a video that gleaned 18.7 million views.

Charles trashed Trump in the two-minute rant as well, railing against his federal convictions and calling both candidates "corpses."

But Charles also faced a torrent of criticism over his video when he blamed Biden for the fall of abortion rights and Roe vs. Wade.

And to be fair, Biden did have some defenders, with one creator surmising his performance could have been the result of past health issues or his "speech impediment."

Nihilism all around

Many users mourned America's political trajectory beyond Biden himself, with critics calling out Trump's rampant lies and criminal charges.

One TikTok with nearly 18 million views compares the Obama-Romney 2012 match up to the Trump-Biden disaster.

Obama and Romney's cordial exchange is set against patriotic music, while Trump and Biden's voices are sped-up and higher pitched.

One commenter noted the candidates' ages, writing, "The fact that even today, Obama and Romney are both still younger than Biden or Trump is just sad."

"Give them both a pdf," one creator on X quipped in a post with 4.6 million views, "first one that can rotate it gets to be president."

Despite the dismal reception, there were several moments that stood out — and even inspired levity.

One Instagram post compiled the night's biggest quotables, including Biden jabbing that Trump had the "morals of an alleycat," Trump calling Biden a "very bad Palestinian," and an argument over which candidate could hit the golf ball further.

"My fellow Americans," one commenter concluded, "we are so cooked."

• Travel host Samantha Brown says people feel priced out of travel due to rising costs.
• Increasing airfare prices and luxury travel trends make dream trips seem unattainable.
• Brown recommends finding alternative destinations and adopting a new travel perspective.

People feel priced out of travel.

That's according to Samantha Brown, an Emmy-award-winning travel host who has spent the past 20 years bringing destinations to life on TV programs from PBS to the Travel Channel.

With increasing airfare prices and the rise of luxury travel, it's no wonder why more and more people feel like their dream trips are out of reach.

But it doesn't have to be that way.

According to Brown, you can have an amazing vacation without overspending. It all comes down to finding worthy alternatives to expensive destinations, hotels, and activities — and shifting your perspective.

Don't worry about where other people are going.

"I think the biggest mistake people make in travel is thinking that the only way to have amazing experiences is to go to all of these top destinations that they see on Instagram," Brown said. "But if you watch social media, everyone's going on these super glossy and expensive trips."

Instead of trying to make a faraway destination work on a budget just to keep up with influencers and travel trends, plan your trip based on what you can reasonably afford, even if the destination isn't far from home.

"You don't have to go to big theme parks or shell out hundreds of dollars on hotels," she said. "When I grew up, we piled up in a station wagon, went on long trips, and packed a cooler with bologna sandwiches. Our dog Gidget came with us, and we stayed in little motor lodges along the way. And I still love that."

Consider cheaper alternatives to the hot spots on your bucket list.

Maybe a trip to Europe isn't in your budget this year — especially if you were hoping to see Paris, the host city of the 2024 Summer Olympics. But you don't have to cross the Atlantic for a European experience. Instead, consider the French-Canadian city of Montreal, which looks and feels like Paris, according to Brown.

"Montreal is one of the best cities in the world," she said. "The 400-year-old city feels like Europe for half the cost."

Embrace public spaces and events.

If you want a full day of activities without overspending, Brown suggests visiting a city and exploring its public spaces and community happenings.

"Cities have phenomenal free events all summer long, like concerts or theater. Many have amazing splash pads for kids," she said. "I love places we are all allowed to inhabit without money. And we all get to be there together."

Brown has especially enjoyed walking around with her kids in cities like New York and Amsterdam.

"We just get our backpacks and pack and sandwiches, and we go on what I call urban hikes. We just go and see what we find," she said.

Skip the resorts and cool off in public pools.

To save on lodging and activities — especially when traveling with kids — Brown suggests staying away from resorts and cooling off in public pools. She said they're particularly nice in cities outside the US.

"And the ones in Europe are phenomenal," she added.

Some of the best public pools around the world are in Iceland, Sweden, Germany, and the US cities of Austin and Los Angeles, the BBC reported in 2022.

To find public pools in the area, Brown said she uses Google Maps.

"I look for little blue squares and rectangles. Those are public pools," she told BI. "It's usually free for kids and sometimes $5 for adults, and you get this incredible pool."

She especially appreciates that spending time at public pools allows her children to meet kids from other countries.

"I don't like to stay in high-end resorts that don't give them that exposure to everyone," she added.

Book the flights that nobody wants.

Brown says that if you want to save as much money as possible on airfare, you have to choose the least desirable flights.

Brown told BI that she typically books Monday and Tuesday flights and saves between 20% and 30% on tickets.

"That is especially true for international flights," she added.

For domestic travelers, Brown said the earliest flight of the day also tends to be cheaper and is less likely to be delayed.

"That's the one that no one wants to get up for, and, boy, is that the one to get on," she said. "That plane is the plane that leaves on time."

According to Expedia's 2023 Air Travel Hacks report, flights that depart after 3 p.m. have a 50% higher chance of delay.

"If you've spent so much money on this trip, and if that plane doesn't leave, that could mess you up for the next three or four days," Brown said. "So, get up at 4 a.m. It is so hard, but it's absolutely worth it.

For more ways to save money on summer travels, check out Brown's Summer Travel Trends report in partnership with Klarna.

• Jonathan Kaye was arrested on assault charges after a video of him punching a woman went viral.
• His lawyer said Kaye was defending himself from agitators who assaulted him, used antisemitic slurs.
• Banker Kaye resigned from Moelis last week after it said it was conducting an investigation. 

A senior banker who resigned from Moelis last week after a viral video showed him punching a woman was arrested on assault charges Monday morning.

Jonathan Kaye was charged with second- and third-degree assault, according to the New York Police Department.

Kaye turned himself in to the police on Monday morning and will likely be arraigned by the end of the day, a spokesperson for the Brooklyn District Attorney's office told Business Insider. Perry did not immediately respond to a request for comment from BI.

In the video posted on X, Kaye was seen punching a woman at a Brooklyn Pride event last month. The woman fell to the ground in the video; Kaye can be seen walking away with a stain on the back of his blazer, saying, "She fucking threw shit all over me."

Kaye's lawyer, Danya Perry, said that he was "terrorized," according to a Bloomberg report. She said his team shared a separate video with the district attorney that shows people forming a ring around him, pouring two unknown liquids on him, shoving him to the ground, and yelling antisemitic slurs at him, the report said.

"We will aggressively fight injustice, and we look forward to a full vindication for our client," Perry said, according to Bloomberg.

A spokesperson for Kaye previously told BI that he had feared for his safety when he was surrounded by "agitators" who physically assaulted and threw liquids on him.

"Given the sharp rise in antisemitic incidents, any Jewish person in this situation would naturally feel threatened and feel the need to defend themselves and return safely to their family," the spokesperson said.

Kaye had worked as a managing director leading Moelis' global business-services franchise prior to resigning after the video went viral. Moelis did not respond to a request for comment.

• Mary Meeker's new report predicted AI will transform education and teaching methods.
• Meeker's analysis suggested AI can accelerate learning and reduce teacher prep work.
• AI will personalize learning, provide real-time feedback, and support technical differentiation, she wrote.

Mary Meeker is back with a new report about AI and education — and it predicts how life will change for both students and teachers.

The former Morgan Stanley analyst famously began publishing her annual "Internet Trends" analysis in 1996 — a slide deck often hundreds of pages long and so widely read that some dubbed it the "Silicon Valley bible." And after a four-year break since publishing a report, Meeker has returned to give her industry insights.

Unsurprisingly, Meeker zooms in on tech's latest upheaval: AI.

Specifically looking at how education will evolve in the age of AI, Meeker writes in a Bond Capital report titled "AI & Universities" that the "biggest change is that students will have more answers at their fingertips faster — some will be right and some will be wrong."

It may be "the best time ever to be a self-motivated student," she writes, but that presents both a challenge and opportunity for educators.

"The university of the future will not look like the university of today," she writes.

For teachers, she writes that using AI to accelerate learning, even for students who miss out on in-person lectures, will be "a new art form."

"As technology evolves and becomes more widely available, teachers should be able to save time and increase productivity," Meeker writes.

The report highlights time-intensive tasks for which teachers can leverage AI, like analyzing student performance to create personalized learning plans or using generative AI models to translate raw texts and videos into assignments and learning material.

"Tomorrow's teachers may serve as cheerleader / coach as well as tutor, making the classroom more welcoming," Meeker says.

She suggests that AI can generate real-time feedback for both teachers and students. These foundational models can cater to individual learning styles, like automatic text-to-speech for dyslexic students.

Meeker also writes that "reducing incremental/unpaid teacher prep work" will minimize teacher and student burnout. This extends to software that assists in grading, scheduling, attendance tracking, and homework review.

As tech companies who have amassed a stockpile of AI GPUs can better attract and retain top talent, Meeker writes that schools looking to stand out and lead in research will also need to invest in AI resources.

"On the research side, technical resource availability, such as GPU access, will likely be key to differentiation/leadership," Meeker writes.

While she acknowledges that AI may replace human involvement in certain areas, such as coding and computation, Meeker remains optimistic about its ability to propel human innovation.

"[By] making these technical skills more of an open utility and toolset, AI can liberate human intelligence to focus more on ingenuity — the root force behind building and producing new things and ideas," Meeker wries.

You can read Meeker's full 16-page report here.

• The American Automobile Association tracks average gas prices in every state.
• Mississippi has the lowest gas prices with an average cost of $2.937 per gallon.
• California's gas prices are the highest in the US with an average cost of $4.794 per gallon.

Gas prices have fluctuated dramatically over the last few years, according to data from the US Energy Information Administration, or EIA.

The COVID-19 pandemic caused the price of gas to fall to a national average of $2.258 per gallon in 2020. Following Russia's invasion of Ukraine in 2022, prices skyrocketed to an average of $4.059 per gallon.

The American Automobile Association, or AAA, reports that the national average sits at $3.491 as of July 1. Costs vary by state depending on factors such as distance from supply, retail competition, and local taxes, according to the EIA.

California, for example, has some of the highest gasoline taxes out of any state and uses a special fuel formulation due to environmental regulations, contributing to its higher-than-average prices.

Here are the states with the highest and lowest gas prices in the US, according to AAA data.

Alabama has the fifth-lowest gas prices in the US with an average cost of $3.087 per gallon of regular gas.

Oklahoma's average cost for a gallon of regular gas is $3.059, making it the state with the fourth-lowest gas prices.

Arkansas has the country's third-lowest gas prices at an average of $3.053 per gallon.

Louisiana is the second-cheapest state for regular gas, with an average cost of $3.005 per gallon.

Mississippi has the lowest gas prices in the US — an average of $2.937 per gallon of regular gas.

When it comes to states with the highest gas prices, Nevada is in fifth place with an average cost of $4.026 per gallon.

With an average cost of $4.053 per gallon, Oregon has the fourth-highest gas prices in the US.

Washington is the third-most expensive state to get gas at $4.316 per gallon on average.

The average cost of a gallon of gas in Hawaii is $4.696, making it the second-most expensive state.

California has the highest average gas prices in the US at $4.794 per gallon.

• Biden is facing the biggest challenge of his career as he aims to remain the Democratic nominee.
• The president's family encouraged him to continue his campaign, according to The New York Times.
• So far, he's leaning on his family and his political appeal among party blocs to forge ahead.

Democrats are still trying to pick up the pieces from President Joe Biden's poor debate performance last week.

Biden himself sought to reassure donors of his continued viability during a series of campaign fundraising events on Saturday. Top surrogates like Rep. Jim Clyburn of South Carolina and Sen. John Fetterman of Pennsylvania joined with other top Democrats in expressing their support for the president. And during a pre-planned gathering at Camp David, The New York Times reported that Biden's relatives encouraged him to remain in the race.

So for now, Biden's strategy is to dig in as his campaign works to repair the damage.

What could the coming weeks look like for Biden as he continues to navigate his reelection bid with skepticism from many within the party?

The power of family

Biden's close-knit family ties are well-known. He has prided himself on his relationships with his children and grandchildren. After his son, Beau, died in 2015, he spoke lovingly of the bond that they shared. And Biden has strongly supported his son Hunter Biden over the years as Hunter faced a litany of challenges related to his alcohol and drug addiction, as well as his recent conviction on felony gun charges.

On Sunday, Biden's family relayed their support for the president by urging him to stay in the presidential race, according to The Times. And Hunter Biden was one of the most vocal proponents of his father remaining in the contest, as he wanted Americans to see his father as the statesmanlike figure that he's long known and not as the largely ineffective candidate who struggled in the debate with former President Donald Trump, per the newspaper.

While Democratic strategists and pollsters are poring over numbers and voter reactions to assess Biden's chances, for now, he's leaning on his family's assessment to remain the party's standard-bearer.

He's been in a similar situation before.

In 2019, Biden didn't launch his successful 2020 presidential campaign until his family was fully on board with the decision.

The president is seemingly banking on his family's judgment once again as he endures what may be the most difficult stretch of his 50-plus year political career.

Biden's big swing-state test

Biden knows the importance of carrying must-win battleground states like Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin, as well as holding Nevada. And he's making another run at both Arizona and Georgia.

It's why Biden's late-night stop at an Atlanta-area Waffle House and his seemingly reinvigorated persona at a Friday campaign rally in Raleigh mattered, even if it was overshadowed by fallout from the Thursday debate.

While many strategists in Washington were wringing their hands over Biden's performance, Biden knew he needed to act immediately to continue speaking with voters who could see him up close.

North Carolina was narrowly won by Trump in 2020 and upcoming polling will show the extent of its competitiveness headed into mid-summer. But Biden's Friday rally in the state was a reflection that he's here to stay and he's not going to be easily dislodged from office.

Most elected Democrats remain firmly behind Biden. But if new polling in states like Georgia and Wisconsin show the sort of erosion in support that is incredibly difficult to overcome, some bigger voices might start asking Biden to reconsider his stance.

For now, though, Biden remains in the driver's seat. And he's hoping it'll stay that way.

• Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said she'll file impeachment articles against Supreme Court justices.
• The congresswoman cast the move as an effort to "defend our nation" from "authoritarian capture."
• It came after the court handed former President Donald Trump a win in his immunity case.

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is ready to impeach Supreme Court justices after the court handed former President Donald Trump a victory in his immunity case.

The New York Democrat wrote that the court had become "consumed by a corruption crisis beyond its control" and that it is "up to Congress to defend our nation from this authoritarian capture."

The House is set to return from its current recess next Monday.

It was not immediately clear which justices the congresswoman would seek to impeach, though she has previously suggested that Justice Clarence Thomas should be impeached over his failure to disclose lavish trips paid for by Republican billionaires, some of whom had business before the court.

On Friday, the court released an opinion finding that presidents have absolute immunity from criminal prosecution for most official acts, a ruling that Justice Sonia Sotomayor suggested would enable presidents to assassinate their political rivals.

Ocasio-Cortez's impeachment bid is unlikely to go anywhere in the near term: Republicans control the House, and even Democratic leadership hasn't fully come around to the notion that justices should face impeachment.

In a statement after the ruling, House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries said that Democrats would "engage in aggressive oversight and legislative activity with respect to the Supreme Court to ensure that the extreme, far-right justices in the majority are brought into compliance with the Constitution."

But the act of filing impeachment articles represents a significant escalation in Democrats' efforts to exercise greater oversight over the high court, which has faced numerous ethics scandals in recent years while issuing a spate of conservative opinions that have upended decades of precedent, including the overturning of Roe v. Wade in 2022.

The last (and only) time a Supreme Court Justice has been impeached was 220 years ago, when Samuel Chase survived an effort to remove him in 1804 over his handling of two politically sensitive trials.

• I hadn't heard about gentle parenting until my son was over a year old. 
• I always thought I'd be a better parent to older kids than younger ones. 
• My wife is less gentle than I am, and I sometimes feel like maybe I'm just a pushover. 

I hadn't heard the term gentle parenting until our son was more than a year old. As an older millennial, I wasn't tuned into parenting TikTok and my Instagram algorithm was more likely to show me videos of trendy restaurants than offer parenting advice.

About the time our child started watching Cocomelon and Blippi, I turned to doom-scrolling through Reels hoping to drown out the cringy "Wheels On The Bus" playing in a loop. Eventually the algorithm caught on, and finally saw my first gentle parenting meme.

There are plenty of would-be comedians producing not-that-funny videos featuring the phrase, "gentle parenting." The most common variation was dragging our parents' generation for some kind of abusive parenting tactic, followed up by a new parent hugging their child. I found these Reels as informative as they were humorous, so I had to Google the phrase.

This gentle parenting thing turned out to be a pretty big deal, so much bigger than my sleep deprived brain could grapple with.

I eventually distilled down the concept to mean allowing our little dictator to rule with an iron fist. There are, of course, nuances beyond simply complying with your toddler's demands with the broad aim of allowing them to learn the consequences of their own actions while validating their feelings.

But, isn't that simply parenting?

I was raised with a different parenting style

My parents are the classic Boomer archetype: hippies-turned-yuppies, granola loving neoliberal Clinton Democrats. My mother shopped at the health food store, a place that sold fruit leather instead of fruit roll-ups. They never grounded me, though I was once or twice sent to my room. Nobody ever beat me, but I did have a few open palm spankings.

Before becoming a parent, I spent time with my friends' children on long weekends, at barbecues, brunches, birthdays, and even a few times at local bars. Some of those kids are already teenagers now. I had always assumed I would be a better parent to older children than to younger ones. I prefer routines to chaos, reason and logic to whims of hunger-induced tantrums, and conversation to high-energy rough housing.

I had always heard having your own children is different. As it turns out, my tolerance for a whiney, cranky, misbehaving toddler is much higher when he's my own. My first response is to ask him why he's upset rather than to yell. It seemed to me, as a first-time parent who had watched other parents struggle to control their children, the easiest way to soothe him was to ask what was wrong. I wasn't trying to gentle parent, I'm just a people pleaser.

And if logic and reason doesn't work, bribery surely does, right?

Sometimes I yell, but not often

My wife is less gentle. Recently our son scraped his arm. He didn't want us to bandage it, even after I showed him the assorted options decorated with puppies, planets, and Elmo. I called them stickers, which he loves, and I even let him stick a BandAid on my knee. Nothing worked. I suggested to my wife that we might bribe him with the promise of a fruit juice ice pop since we've convinced him these are just as good as ice cream. I was willing to negotiate with him.

"We just need to make him do things sometimes," my wife said, adopting the popular tactic otherwise known as "not negotiating with terrorists."

After dinner, when I went to wipe his hands, I swooped in to wipe his scraped arm. "No, no, no," he cried. "It stings, it stings." I held fast and wiped it clean before applying antibacterial cream. As I stuck the bandage on, I tried to explain it was part of growing up. I wanted to comfort him. I didn't like to hear him cry. He cried anyway.

I have raised my voice. I have even yelled. But only rarely. I wear eyeglasses, and with an astigmatism and high prescription, I'm nearly blind without them. These facts haven't prevented my toddler from knocking the glasses off my face, sometimes intentionally. He broke two pairs, even after having conversations about why he shouldn't touch my glasses.

Several months ago, when my second pair had already been glued back together more than once, he heard quite a few choice words when he knocked them off my face. It was the first real expression of anger I showed him, and I confined him to his crib while I waited for the glue to dry. He sobbed the whole time, and even tried negotiating his early release.

The time out in the crib was his first real punishment. He stopped hitting my glasses. Or at least, he stopped for a while. Then, a few weeks ago, while we were at my parents house, he slapped my face directly on the bridge of the frames. The already broken glasses snapped again, the pieces spilling across the floor. I yelled at him. I yelled loud enough my father heard me from the basement. My mother heard me yell from her bedroom. My wife heard me from the shower. My son was startled, frightened even.

I had to crawl around on my hands and knees, moving my hand over the floor until I found the pieces. We had transitioned from a crib to a toddler bed, so I had no place for his time out while waiting for the glue to dry. Instead, I blindly collected his toys scattered around the living room, placed them in their Rubbermaid containers, and stowed them in the closet.

For the rest of the day, he was angry with me. Later, when we got home, he didn't want me to sit on the couch, and when we went to read to him before bed, he insisted my wife read to him instead. It didn't feel good. The next morning, when he still held a grudge, I worried, at 3 years old, he was going to resent me for the rest of his life.

I'm not intentionally trying to gentle parent. And I want to set limits for my child because I know he needs them. His level of fruit snack consumption alone is proof of that. But I also know I don't want a relationship with him that is distant. I want him to trust me, I want him to understand the reason why I set limits for him.

Maybe at 3, that's too complicated for him to understand. But I'm still going to try.