China's President Xi Jinping and India's Prime Minister Narendra Modi attend a session meeting during the 10th BRICS summit on July 27, 2018 in Johannesburg, South Africa.
MIKE HUTCHINGS via Getty Images
India's Prime Minster annoyed China after his reelection.
He accepted a congratulatory message from Taiwan's leader.
Tensions between India and China, Asia's two major powers, are increasing.
India's Prime Minister Narendra Modi riled China in one of his first acts after being reelected for a historic third term.
Modi, who was reelected in a much narrower-than-expected victory on Tuesday, accepted the congratulations of Taiwan's President Lai Ching-te.
"I look forward to closer ties as we work towards mutually beneficial economic and technological partnership," Modi wrote in a post on X.
China is often furious when countries publicly acknowledge Taiwan's independent status.
At a press briefing Wednesday, China's foreign ministry criticized Modi's message.
"India has made serious political commitments and is supposed to recognize, be alarmed about, and resist the Taiwan authorities' political calculations," said foreign ministry spokeswoman Mao Ning at a press briefing in Beijing on Thursday, reported Bloomberg.
Tensions between China and India, Asia's biggest powers, are increasing as New Delhi seeks to counter what it sees as intensifying Chinese aggression in the region. A clash on the countries' Himalayan border in 2020 resulted in the deaths of 20 Indian soldiers and four Chinese.
While India and Taiwan do not have formal diplomatic relations, Modi has sought to strengthen economic ties with Taiwan in his 10 years in office.
An employment pact between the two countries could allow Indians to work in Taiwan. Meanwhile, Taiwan is seeking to increase its investment in India.
"There's a foundation for India and Taiwan to move forward [with a trade deal]," John Deng, Taiwan's longest-serving cabinet member, told the Financial Times in April.
"Taiwanese investments will help India develop its manufacturing infrastructure. India is competing with China as a global manufacturing hub, and this represents an opportunity for Taiwan to step up its business ties."
Costco plans to stop selling books on a regular basis, publishing execs told The New York Times.
Costco will only sell books for the holidays, as well as on some occasions throughout the year, the execs said.
The executives told The Times that the decision was mainly down to the labor required to stock books.
Costco plans to stop selling books on a regular basis, largely because of how much labor it requires, four unidentified publishing executives told The New York Times.
The warehouse giant will stop stocking books regularly from January, they said. Instead, Costco will sell books between September and December for the holidays, as well as potentially selling some books sporadically at other times of the year, the executives said.
Costco did not immediately respond to a request for comment from Business Insider, made outside regular US working hours.
The executives told The Times that the decision was mainly down to staffing demands. Stocking books requires large amounts of labor as they have to be laid out manually by workers rather than rolled out on a pallet and replaced frequently, they said.
The Times reported that Costco had already stopped sales of books in some areas including Alaska and Hawaii.
Reddit users have lamented the decision, with many arguing that Costco should at least continue selling children's books.
"Stopping selling kids' books would be like canceling the hot dog in the food court," one Reddit user commented.
Sales of books at non-bookstores like Costco are largely impulse purchases, with shoppers going to their local warehouse to stock up on groceries and perhaps slipping a book that caught their eye into their account. As The Times pointed out, not all of these sales will be transferred over to other retailers.
US sales of print books dropped 3% in 2023 compared to the prior year, with the biggest decline in children's books, according to market research company Circana. This included fewer sales of children's fantasy, magic, and humor books, as well as non-fiction. But adult fiction sales grew, led by fantasy, romance, coming-of-age, and historical fiction books, Circana said.
BookTok has been credited with boosting print book sales in an age of Kindles and other e-readers. Publisher Bloomsbury reported record sales in the year to February 29, which it credited largely to fantasy author Sarah J. Maas, whose series "A Court of Thorns and Roses" has become a BookTok darling.
Archer's Midnight eVTOL and Nikhil Goel, the chief commercial officer, at the 2023 Dubai Air Show.
Pete Syme/Business Insider
Archer Aviation announced it has received a certificate for commercial operations from the FAA.
However, it still needs certification for its Midnight eVTOL — on track to launch next year.
Rival eVTOL firm Volocopter plans the first commercial air taxi flights during the Paris Olympics.
Archer Aviation has received the green light for commercial operations.
The California-based company, which has a market capitalization of $1 billion, announced Wednesday that the Federal Aviation Administration has granted it a Part 135 air carrier and operator certificate.
It marks a major step forward for the firm, which is helping pave the way for electric-vertical-take-off-and-landing aircraft or eVTOLs — often referred to as air taxis.
Archer hopes to transform urban travel, replacing an hourlong commute with a 10-minute flight on its quiet, sustainable aircraft.
CEO Adam Goldstein previously told Business Insider that a seat should cost about $100. The aim is to replace ride-share services between city centers and airports.
Archer said the FAA certificate allows it to refine its systems before it launches services for customers like United Airlines.
However, its flagship aircraft, Midnight, still needs certification.
In Wednesday's press release, United's chief financial officer, Mike Leskinen, said: "The pace of progress and innovation that Archer has achieved over the last few years is nothing short of impressive and today marks another key milestone in their journey to bring safe, sustainable, and low-noise air taxi services to market."
"Together, we look forward to shaping the future of air transportation and delivering unparalleled flying experiences to United passengers," he added.
Archer is the second eVTOL company after Joby Aviation to announce receipt of a Part 135 certificate from the FAA.
The first commercial air taxi flights are planned for the Paris Olympics, courtesy of the German startup Volocopter. Archer is aiming to debut commercial flights next year.
Nolan Church is the cofounder and CEO of FairComp and Continuum.
Courtesy of Nolan Church
Nolan Church was the former head of talent at DoorDash and ex-chief people officer at Carta.
He said companies use PIPs to protect themselves and avoid blindsiding employees with firings.
Church said if you're put on a PIP you've been "scarlet-lettered" and should move jobs immediately.
This as-told-to essay is based on a transcribed conversation with Nolan Church, a former recruiter at Google and DoorDash and ex-chief people officer at Carta, about his experience of putting people on PIPs. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
I've spent my career in recruitment. From May 2012 to early 2015, I worked as a recruiter for Google Access. Then, I became the head of recruiting at DoorDash and later the chief people officer at Carta, a pre-IPO equity management company for startups.
My first experience with PIPs was at DoorDash
DoorDash was the first place I encountered performance improvement plans or PIPs. They're a way of giving a low performer a chance to correct a performance problem before termination.
When I joined as the head of talent in March 2015, I was the company's 50th employee. This was a key leadership role for HR and recruiting. We were setting a company precedent for how we wanted to manage our employees.
As we started encountering low performers, we needed to figure out how to manage them. So we talked to former or current heads of HR at other companies to understand how they thought about performance management.
They said there were two ways that companies thought about PIPs — do them or don't. The HR leaders said we could either make it so everyone went on a PIP before being terminated or put no one on a PIP and give increasing feedback to lower performers.
We went the PIP route at DoorDash. In the early days, we decided that the sales team would be the only team with a formal PIP process because they were the department with the clearest metrics. It's You're either hitting your quota or you're not. Sales metrics are very black and white.
We could be very clear with somebody and say, "If you don't hit quota, this is going to be your last month of employment."
During my tenure, everybody I saw being put on a PIP got terminated either during the PIP or shortly after. My personal take is that once you get to the point of putting somebody on a PIP, the decision to terminate has already been made.
I've never seen someone survive a PIP
When I moved to Carta in 2018 as the chief people officer, we had a lot of discussions there about whether we wanted to put people on PIPs. Early on, I instituted a policy that required managers to put employees on a PIP before terminating. We did this to ensure managers delivered feedback and employees weren't surprised they were being let go.
However, as we put people on PIPs, we found them to be disingenuous and ultimately eliminated them. Instead, we terminated employees with a generous severance package. To be candid, I've never seen somebody survive a PIP.
As a company, you want to consider why you're putting someone on a PIP. Are you doing it to make the employee successful? Or to cover your ass?
PIPs are used by companies to cover their ass almost every single time because a team doesn't have enough data about performance, and managers don't do a great job of providing feedback.
Usually, companies put someone on a PIP because they're worried that the employee will be surprised by their termination without one and could take legal action. The PIP provides legal cover.
If you get put on a PIP, make the acronym stand for Paid Interview Period
If you're an employee on a PIP, you need to view it not as a "Performance Improvement Plan" but as a "Paid Interview Period" because your employment is coming to an end at that company, either very shortly at the end of the PIP or usually soon thereafter.
You should assume it's not worked out at that company and put the majority of your efforts into trying to find a new job as fast as possible. Even if you survive the PIP, you have to think about "what happens to me now?"
I have a very large community of HR leaders in my circle. I've never heard of somebody who went on a PIP and became a top performer at that company.
So even if you survive, you've been scarlet-lettered at that company. The likelihood of you getting a raise or promotion after a PIP is insanely low.
The best option for you is to find a different company where you can be successful and start with a clean slate.
This cohort typically earns six-figure paychecks and is more likely to be millennials or Gen Zers, per Sherwood News. They spend money on luxury fashion, travel, and restaurants — either taking inspiration from their favorite celebrities or responding to socialtrends.
HIFIs often live "out of step" with their means, spending more than they earn instead of directing funds toward long-term wealth-building strategies, said Natasha Knox, founder of financial planning and wealth management firm Alaphia Financial Wellness.
"They're spending every cent they make, and not setting aside a dime," she said, adding that many HIFIs seek out her services. "They're not feeling secure because, on some level, they know that something's wrong."
Inflation and the rising cost of living in the US are partially to blame for HIFIs precarious financial situation. Inflation rates are double what they were 10 years ago, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. The consumer price index for US cities, which assesses the cost of living, also rose by about 8% in the last 10 years.
HIFIs' spending psychology comes from wanting to belong
Knox said that there's often a disconnect between how much money HIFIs make and how much they can afford to spend.
For example, Knox said many people base their spending on their gross income but don't take into account how much of their paycheck goes to taxes, a 401(k), or major bills like rent and groceries.
HIFIs also tend to overspend when they receive a bonus at work or other financial windfalls. She said she has seen clients allocate their bonus to multiple major purchases — sometimes spending the money "three times over," she said.
"We all have ways that we give ourselves permission to adapt our lifestyle, the things we say to ourselves," Knox said.
Much of HIFIs' spending psychology comes from wanting to belong, Knox said. People want to be able to afford the same clothes or concert tickets as their friends and family, so they keep spending money.
Knox added that people's desire to fit in with particular groups, and to feel wealthy, can lead to long-term lifestyle creep.
Small spending changes can boost future wealth
Many people underestimate how much small spending changes can impact their overall wealth, Knox said. Many HIFIs she works with aren't in debt, but they also don't put enough of their earnings into their savings account.
HIFIs should consider how much they need to reach their retirement goals and pay for major purchases, along with saving money for emergencies or unexpected expenses.
"It's not that they need to have more income, it's that they need to calibrate their spending to be within their income in order to save," Knox said.
Although saving money can seem daunting, Knox said that small, everyday spending decisions can make a significant difference for HIFIs' wealth over time. For example, people can still spend money on clothing, travel, and social activities — but they should set budgets and closely track their spending. She said she works with clients on ways they can make decisions that aren't financially detrimental but still allow them to enjoy their lifestyle.
"I think most people really underestimate how wealth can or how assets can accumulate bit by bit," Knox said. "And, on the flip side, small reductions in overspending can make a meaningful difference."
Are you a HIFI? Do you struggle to afford your lifestyle, even with a high income? Are you open to sharing your story? If so, reach out to this reporter at allisonkelly@businessinsider.com.
Cheryl Sands (left) and Janet Sussman (right) both moved to Central America.
Cheryl Sands/Janet Sussman
5 Americans told BI they moved to Latin America for a more peaceful — and cheaper — retirement.
Some said they were scared they wouldn't have enough for a comfortable retirement in the US.
Others said Latin America presented them with new employment and business opportunities.
Janet Sussman was struggling to see how she could remain in the US.
Sussman, who started a catering nonprofit in Florida, and her husband saved enough to build their dream home in the woods of upstate New York with their son. However, by the mid-2000s, her life was turned upside down.
In 2006, her son died in a construction accident. Her husband, who had a major stroke that same year, died in 2010. Her other two children married and moved away, and she was lost on what to do.
"I didn't know who I was in this new role," Sussman said. "I didn't know where to go from there."
Ultimately, she moved to Panama in 2012 to restart her life. She and a friend started a shuttle service to make money while she studied for her bachelor's degree. She then worked as a teacher at an international school for over four years before opening a language school, which she sold shortly after.
Now, Sussman travels full-time throughout Panama as a housesitter between stays at Airbnbs. She still returns to the US to see family, though most of her time is spent exploring and enjoying Panama's peace and relatively inexpensive prices.
"We all have tragedies in our lives, and we need those," Sussman said. "If not, you don't appreciate the good things, and that's why I think I have such a child-like awe of my travels."
Business Insider spoke to five Americans who moved to Latin America, many for their retirements. Some said they couldn't afford to retire in the US but could live much more comfortably south of the border, though not everything is cheaper. Others said Latin America offered more business and employment opportunities and a friendlier culture. All agreed that life is in many ways better in Latin America than in the US.
Moving for retirement
Cheryl Sands, 69, didn't think she'd ever comfortably retire in the US. She taught chemistry for over two decades in Illinois, then quit in 2007. She moved to a less expensive town by the Illinois-Kentucky border, where she bought a house in the woods on 10 acres.
Between her pension and Social Security, she brought in $30,000 a year, which wasn't enough to keep up with rising property taxes and daily expenses. She substitute-taught and took on a side gig installing fencing to supplement her pension.
Her two siblings, 78 and 82, still work to pay their bills, so she started looking for unconventional ways to avoid their situations. After visiting Costa Rica a few times, she packed her bags, sold most of her belongings, and moved with her dogs to experience "pura vida."
Despite some logistical challenges, she moved into her first condo and got a more spacious one a month later. She lives in a beach town called Junquillal in Guanacaste, which has some small stores and is about a 40-minute drive from the nearest major city. She said she feels more welcome in Costa Rica than in Illinois, even with a language barrier.
"What I love about Costa Rica is the freedom, work ethic, value of learning and education, taking responsibility for their and their children's actions and accepting the consequences of their actions, pride in what they have, even if it's not much, respect for others, positive attitudes, and valuing children and the elderly," Sands said.
Her home payment, with a large yard, lawn maintenance, and electricity, is about $1,100 monthly. While packaging for food is smaller than in the US, she said food is cheaper than in the US. She said prices are steadily rising, though she's not too worried.
Gary Keenan, 71, disagrees that Costa Rica is cheaper than the US, though he's fine paying the upcharge. He moved to Costa Rica from New Mexico nine years ago after working for 25 years running a claims business. He moved after retiring and finalizing his divorce, settling in a less touristy area and learning Spanish.
In his area of the Central Valley near San Jose, food is often double the cost of what he paid when he last visited the US, particularly for meats. With a worsening exchange rate, he said the cost of daily supplies and furniture is higher than in the US. He bought his car in early 2023 for $34,000, but he said comparable prices in the US were between $16,000 and $18,000.
Still, he said rent and home prices tend to be less than in many parts of the US. His three-bedroom apartment costs about $1,500 a month, though he said it would be pricier if he didn't know his landlord.
"Bottom line is any US resident coming here to retire should expect to pay a bit more for daily expenses," Keenan said.
Living and working in nature
Moving to Latin America has allowed some Americans to advance their careers and retirement goals while living a more serene life.
Jose Rodriguez, 65, who recently moved from Chicago to the outskirts of São Paulo, Brazil, said it's giving him more opportunities to open oncology centers and promote business partnerships.
He estimated his living costs are at least 30% cheaper than in the US, and he rents a large property for about $500 a month. He estimated that a modern home could cost below $200,000, compared to about $650,000 in the US. His utilities and internet are well under $100 each month.
He's also been impressed by the calmer, more consistent weather, as well as better and cheaper produce. He also lives in a more rural area with plenty of nature.
For Andy Wiesmann, 62, moving to Medellín, Colombia, was a lifesaving decision. He developed a rare autoimmune disorder that ate up most of his savings, and he could no longer afford an apartment in California's Inland Empire, where he spent most of his life. To protect his health while living more comfortably on his limited income, he turned to Mexico and then Colombia.
He bought a 900-square-foot, three-bedroom, two-bathroom apartment in Medellín for $90,000, equipped with a balcony overlooking the mountains and a pool. All expenses, such as medical bills and food costs, total about $1,500 to $1,800 a month, he said, much less than what we would have paid in California for similar purchases.
The "city dropped into a jungle" feeling of Medellín allowed him to stay fit with his disability, and he's enjoyed how the temperature usually stays in the 70s and low 80s.
"I have not felt at all like I'm outside of the United States," Wiesmann said. "The malls are first-rate, the restaurants are first-rate usually, the tap water is drinkable, the internet is fast and reliable, and the energy is fast and cheap. Sometimes I have to stop and say, 'Oh my god,' I'm in South America."
Children on swings at the playground at Union Square Park in Manhattan.
Jeff Greenberg/Getty Images
Families with kids under six are leaving New York City at twice the rate of others.
High childcare and housing costs drive families out, with daycare costing $2,000 to $4,000 monthly.
Lower-income and Black and Hispanic households have been disproportionately affected.
The concrete jungle is an increasingly unfriendly playground for young kids and their parents.
Families with kids under six years old are more than twice as likely to leave New York City than families without young kids, according to a new report from the Fiscal Policy Institute, a left-leaning think tank. The exodus of these households from the city and the state — which has spiked since the pandemic — is likely in large part due to soaring housing and childcare costs.
Families with kids six or older move out of the city at the same rates as childless families, suggesting that the costs "uniquely associated with young children — childcare and the need for more space" are pushing families out of the city, FPI reported.
Those who are leaving New York City are more than twice as likely to say they're looking for more affordable housing than they were before the pandemic, the report found. The city is facing one of the most severe housing affordability crises in the country, with median rents at $3,700, median home prices hitting $785,000, and housing inventory at a more than 50-year low. Millennials are increasingly fleeing to the peripheral suburbs far outside the city, where housing tends to be cheaper.
The typical New York City family spends more than a quarter of their income on childcare, which is triple what the US government considers affordable, Business Insider reported last year. Families need to make north of $300,000 a year to afford just one child in daycare in the city, The New York Times reported.
Daycare and preschool programs in the city generally cost between $2,000 and $4,000 per month per child. And the typical family spends about $21,000 per year for childcare for a baby under 18 months old, the city comptroller reported in 2019.
To make matters worse, many parents of young kids were thrown into a panic several months ago when New York City Mayor Eric Adams announced he would cut $567 million from public preschool programs for three-year-olds. Adams reversed his decision this spring amid an outcry from local political leaders and parents.
The affordability crisis is hitting lower-income households and people of color much harder. People who are leaving New York are disproportionately Black and Hispanic. Black New Yorkers are 45% more likely to leave the state and Hispanic New Yorkers are 34% more likely to leave than the rest of the population, FPI found.
The out-migration of Black families from New York City is part of a broader trend, dubbed a "New Great Migration," of Black families leaving expensive northern cities for the suburbs and for the South, where the cost of living is lower. New York City has lost about 9% of its Black residents over the past 20 years and more than 19% of its Black children and teens from 2010 to 2020.
Unsurprisingly, wealthier households are far less impacted by these cost of living issues. Between 2020 and 2022, 17,500 millionaires moved into New York City, while 2,400 left, FPI reported last year. The Institute has found that New Yorkers who make $800,000 or more per year are 25% as likely to leave the city as those who make less.
Have you left New York City or State because of rising childcare and housing costs? Reach out to this reporter at erelman@businessinsider.com to share your story.
The outlet said that there are 15 categories of personal data to fill out on the app, including height, education, and occupation — all of which will be visible to potential matches.
After that, users attend a mandatory interview with the app's operators before signing a pledge promising that they are looking for a marriage partner and not just a casual relationship.
"If there are many individuals interested in marriage but unable to find a partner, we want to provide support," a Tokyo official said, according to The Asahi Shimbun.
Officials admitted it was rare for a local government to develop a match-making app, but they said they hoped the officially endorsed app would encourage people reluctant to use mainstream apps.
The government app comes as Japan faces critically low birth and marriage rates.
On Wednesday, data released by Japan's Health Ministry revealed that its birth rate fell 5.6% in 2023 to its lowest level since Japan started recording statistics in 1899. Marriage rates were down 6% compared to 2023.
In Tokyo, the numbers are even worse. The city's fertility rate, the number of children a woman is expected to give birth to during her lifetime, was 0.99 in 2023 — the only prefecture that failed to reach 1.00.
Overall, the country's 125 million-ageing population is projected to fall 30% by 2070, which could have dangerous implications for the country's economy and national security.
Japan's government has put aside $34 billion in the 2024 budget for childcare and parental services.
Elon Musk, who is passionate about fighting population decline, tweeted his support for the app, saying he was "glad the government of Japan recognizes the importance of this matter."
I’m glad the government of Japan recognizes the importance of this matter.
If radical action isn’t taken, Japan (and many other countries) will disappear! https://t.co/5zTwRCQC3o
The Tesla CEO has voiced his belief a number of times that globally low birth rates could lead to "population collapse." He has called the issue "a much bigger risk to civilization than global warming."
"If radical action isn't taken, Japan (and many other countries) will disappear!" Musk said in response to the app announcement.
"It is the one that is real bottom of cycle," he told the outlet, referring to the decline in the price of naturally produced diamonds.
Wanblad said that the company plans to divest its stake in De Beers, the most famous name in diamonds, but added that it would be a challenging and lengthy process.
The Zimnisky Global Rough Diamond Index, which tracks the price change of natural rough diamonds, has shown a steady decline over the past two years.
According to the index, prices have fallen about 6% this year, and have sunk by about 30% from their all-time high in 2022.
In a separate interview with the Financial Times' Chinese edition, De Beers' CEO Al Cook said that although China is the company's most important market, it is also becoming increasingly challenging.
Cook said one issue is a shift in perception of lab-grown diamonds in the country.
Lab-grown diamonds are becoming more popular worldwide, and are cheaper and quicker to produce. The Knot's Real Weddings Study found that nearly half of engagement rings bought in the US last year featured a lab-grown diamond as a center stone.
Even so, De Beers recently announced that it would halt its six-year experiment with selling lab-grown diamond jewelry.
Paul Zimnisky, who runs the Zimnisky index, told Business Insider that he believes the "fad" for synthetic diamonds will start to fade, but in a follow-up email this week, he said that it still impacts supply and, consequently, the price of diamonds.
Zimnisky said another "notable" factor is that the Chinese luxury market has struggled to recover, with demand for diamonds falling far short of the peak levels seen during the COVID-19 pandemic.
During the pandemic, some people spent their money on luxuries like diamonds, since experiential purchases, such as expensive vacations, were mostly unavailable.
Meanwhile, according to Daxue Consulting, a decline in China's marriage rate, which hit a record low in 2022 before rebounding last year, means fewer people have bought wedding and engagement rings.
Broader economic uncertainty in China is also a factor, according to Zimnisky, who said consumers may be choosing gold over diamonds as an investment, since the value of gold has been more stable recently.
However, he told BI that the diamond industry's fate is not set in stone.
"Of course, there will be ups and downs," he said.
Parents are giving up on gentle parenting after finding that the guidance is confusing or just doesn't work for their kids.
Oxygen/Getty Images, Abanti Chowdhury/BI
My first exposure to gentle parenting ended in projectile vomiting.
It was 2007, the summer after my junior year of college, and a new babysitting client was walking me through the dinner and bedtime routines for her two young children. As we ascended the staircase to an expansive second floor, the younger of the pair — a placid 16-month-old propped on his mother's hip — locked my gaze and jabbed his index finger into the side of his other hand.
"That's baby sign language for 'more,'" his mother explained, acknowledging that her toddler hadn't mastered the proper mechanics. I should oblige him anyway, she told me. Babies know what they need even if they can't yet articulate those needs through speech, she said. It was important to honor their choices.
The toddler had just finished eating half a banana. As instructed, I retreated to the kitchen and returned with the other half. He devoured it quickly and repeated the gesture. I returned with another half banana. He gestured again; again, I delivered. Then again. And again. Until it was too much.
Partially digested bananas sprayed everywhere, much to the surprise of his mother. "Oh, my God!" she wailed as she tried, in vain, to contain the gloopy stream with her free hand. "How many bananas did you just give my baby?" she hissed, regurgitated fruit oozing through her fingers. She had watched me feed her baby but hadn't clocked just how many times her son had requested another banana.
I was young, broke, and beholden, which meant I had to swallow my pride. "He — he kept saying 'more,'" I sputtered.
She employed me for nearly a year. And she was far from the only client who began to emphasize their children's preferences.
As an in-demand babysitter for the property-owning intelligentsia of Toronto, I witnessed this gentle-parenting takeover up close. Flimsy collapsible strollers were replaced with unwieldy stretch-cotton contraptions that strapped infants to parents' bodies and ensured tuned-in and responsive caregivers. Children old enough to unclasp a nursing bra were encouraged to put those fine motor skills to use until they decided they were ready to chew solid foods. Baby sign language progressed from a type-A-parent novelty to the standard operating procedure. Most striking of all, multiple clients barred me from issuing a firm "no" in the presence of their preschoolers, let alone to them — it was a soft "no, thank you," or bust.
Parents are realizing that the time- and energy-intensive method is producing decidedly ambiguous outcomes.
Seventeen years later, gentle parenting is now the default among my professional-class millennial peers. Less a rigid doctrine than a guiding set of ideals, the approach has assumed an assortment of labels — intentional parenting, mindful parenting, respectful parenting, and, during my babysitting years, attachment parenting — each with its own jargon and figurehead (Doug Fields, Kristen Race, Janet Lansbury, and Dr. William Sears, respectively). Despite some superficial differences in their particulars, all are designed to swap out the old-fashioned, "because I said so" ethos of "authoritarian" child-rearing with one grounded in empathy and negotiation. Gentle parents give their children choices and respect their wants and needs. Instead of punishing unwanted behavior, gentle parents aim to validate their child's feelings and help them strategize their way out of distress, letting them learn through natural consequences. It is, in short, a very different way of raising children than what most of today's adults received from their parents.
Proponents of gentle parenting say it produces securely attached kids who are self-possessed, emotionally attuned, and kind — claims that seem to be supported by developmental-psychology research. But in practice, the parental authority required to make the approach work often flees the scene. Too often, gentle parenting gives way to leniency and overindulgence, creating brittle and self-centered "iPad kids" who are ill-equipped to navigate setbacks — and parents whose servile devotion to their children's happiness is a headache for the people around them. Teachers blame gentle parenting for bad behavior in classrooms, which some believe is accelerating an exodus from the profession. And new research suggests that the helicopter parenting that often dovetails with gentle-parenting-gone-awry is contributing to the youth mental-health crisis.
As a result, "gentle parenting" has become a loaded concept. Increasingly, parents are realizing that the time- and energy-intensive method is producing decidedly ambiguous outcomes, which has caused some to throw in the towel, once and for all. The gentle-parenting boom, as most of us know it, is beginning to look more and more like a bust.
Though many of the practices associated with gentle parenting predate the term's coinage, the British author Sarah Ockwell-Smith is generally credited with bringing the label into the mainstream. Her 2016 book, "The Gentle Parenting Book," introduces the method as one that "embraces the needs of parent and child, while being mindful of current science and child psychology." Ockwell-Smith positions her approach as an "authoritative" parenting style, the conscientious middle ground between a "permissive" style of parenting in which the child is in charge and the authoritarian parenting tactics of the past — both of which researchers have found create long-term problems for kids.
In a 2014 blog post, Ockwell-Smith summed the approach up as "parenting with your child's feelings in mind as much as possible" and then taking those feelings into consideration when deciding how to react. "The key here really is thinking, 'Would I like it if somebody did this to me?'" she wrote. "If the answer is 'no,' then why would you do it to your child?"
For some parents, the guidance adds up to good common sense. Abby, a 38-year-old mom of two in a well-to-do suburb of Milwaukee, said she gravitated toward a gentle-informed parenting approach as a correction for the rules and expectations that came to bear on her own upbringing. Abby, who has asked Business Insider not to publish her real name to protect her children's privacy, appreciated that the method could be adapted to accommodate different developmental needs — both of her children have autism — and that it didn't force kids to meet society's ever-shifting goalposts for success.
Others are drawn to the philosophy's emphasis on cultivating independence and self-confidence, as opposed to obedience or external validation. For Anna Monette Chilstedt, a 36-year-old marketing director in Boulder, Colorado, this means adopting the Lansbury-approved "RIE" method — an infant-parenting pedagogy that encourages "sensitive observation" — to raise her 6-month-old daughter. "I want her to have a lot of self-confidence and -assurance that she knows how to keep her body safe, knows her limits, and feels confident that she will be cared for," Chilstedt said. "From there, she'll be equipped to handle whatever life throws at her."
If a parent's job is to help their child process their big and messy feelings, does that mean every negative emotion needs to become a conversation?
Mary Benedetti, a Toronto social worker and psychotherapist who works with children and families, said that there's a lot to appreciate about gentle-parenting guidance. "Parenting advice based on attachment research, trauma research, and neuroscience is extremely valuable to children," she told me. Ample research links an authoritative parenting style — such as gentle parenting — with the most favorable psychosocial outcomes in children.
Where some parents run into trouble is in the method's implementation. "Clear, kind, but firm limits are needed," Benedetti told me. Gentle parenting works only when there are ground rules in place for what constitutes acceptable behavior and caregivers who consistently uphold consequences when those lines are crossed. But the open-ended guidelines laid out by gentle-parenting authors and influencers don't always make hard behavioral limits easy to outline or enforce. A crowded arena of parenting experts and influencers — such as Instagram's "Dr. Becky" Kennedy and an endless supply of TikTokers — bring their own strategies and buzzwords into the mix, which can exacerbate confusion.
If a child is meant to feel empowered to make their own choices about how to engage with the world, when should the adult step in and say that the child's choices were wrong — to declare, "Actually, you've had enough bananas," regardless of whether the child agrees? And if a parent's job is to help their child process their big and messy feelings, does that mean every negative emotion needs to become a conversation? These are among the questions that gentle parents must contend with, often on the fly. Without meaning to, some of these parents may drift into permissiveness, ending up with kids who feel empowered to do everything but respect others.
When gentle parenting veers off course, it can be detrimental. Research recently published in The Journal of Pediatrics found that a decadeslong trend toward high parental involvement — and, specifically, the diminished childhood independence that can result from it — neatly tracked with rising rates of depression and anxiety in children and teens, which have reached a record high. Separate research links permissive parenting with "high levels of aggressiveness, antisocial behavior problems, and lack of self-discipline." These attributes are not only unpleasant to be around but also risk a child's ability to form meaningful relationships — a key predictor of lifelong physical and psychological well-being.
Anna Lussenburg, a Calgary, Alberta, child-behavior interventionist known professionally as "Annie the Nanny," has seen the gentle-parenting pitfalls firsthand. Many of her clients, she said, are "former gentle parents" who are now contending with kids who put holes into walls, bite, and throw tantrums at the slightest provocation. From where she stands, there's no mystery as to why.
"With gentle parenting, there is this constant hyperfocus on helping your kids deal with 'big feelings,'" Lussenburg said. "But who says they're big? The adult is the one that's saying they're big. Feelings are feelings; we have all sorts of feelings all day. When we hyperfocus on the negative ones, we start feeling worse rather than better."
When gentle parenting goes wrong, everyone takes note.
Emphasizing a child's feelings can magnify minor problems and effectively puts the child in the driver's seat when what they really need is adult guidance. "When you stop doing whatever it is you are doing and you let your day be dictated by their behavior, you stop leading, which makes children very uncomfortable," Lussenburg said. "You're looking to them to tell you things are OK, instead of them looking to you."
While the dynamics between parents and children are generally a private matter, their implications are not. When a child's immediate desires become the lens through which they're expected to treat others, and vice versa, that framework becomes everybody's business. When gentle parenting goes wrong, everyone takes note.
Often, the debate over what constitutes "correct" gentle parenting comes down to social values. Should a child's feelings take precedence over how others experience that child's actions? Who should be held accountable for a disturbance in the peace? Where is the line between a child who feels empowered to self-advocate and one who's simply entitled? The research indicates that firm rules and consequences are needed. But when it comes to the thorny particulars of how to parent a child day-to-day, the debate becomes more about respect.
There are certainly plenty of sensible, developmentally appropriate reasons kids act out. Maybe they're hungry or tired, or they're distressed by the perfectly legitimate frustrations of being a small person navigating a big world without the benefit of a fully formed prefrontal cortex. Different kids come equipped with different neurodevelopmental tool kits or material circumstances that may make it easier or harder to emotionally self-regulate or modulate their behavior. They also misbehave because, yes, misbehaving is a normal part of growing up. Learning boundaries, testing them, and being an occasional pest are all part of the game.
But there's a difference between legitimizing a child's feelings and letting those feelings run the show. What people want isn't always what they need. Sometimes the child asking for his third banana just needs to be told "no."
Kelli María Korducki is a journalist whose work focuses on work, tech, and culture. She's based in New York City.